In my heart

Steve Jobs resigns and we see a whole plethora of his speeches/writings inundating the web. Reminds me of that happy feeling we used to have when a movie star would die and we would get a week long of his movies otherwise limited to weekend views on television. Very very sad but then some one's loss is the other person's gain. So many things happening - HP phases out its core business, Google buys Motorola, Irene all set to hit the East Coast and the likes but my world is centered around checking the lunch menu and imagining the kids eating OK at school, sleeping OK at school and wondering if they would be able to clean themselves after potty. Of course I do wonder about the learning at school but to a lesser extent. I envision a stress free education for them unlike mine which was always geared towards scoring and "coming first" in class.

Caunteya due to his training has been reaching home late and leaving early. Yesterday he could reach home only by midnight. It was just the three of us. We did our homework, played, watched TV, went for a walk out, asked tonnes of questions, brushed, flossed and went to bed. Now add Papa to this mix, every task becomes 10% more difficult as they make the leeway for making it funner for them i.e harder for us. Now add a guest family to the list with or without kids, each task becomes 50% more difficult. Here the kids know that they can now demand as the parents' are concentrating on conversation/dinner for the guests. They will act weird, ask for TV time at 8:30 PM, get into brawls and everything they like doing but never do when its a controlled family atmosphere.

The point I am trying to make is the ease with which these kids morph - they are different people in school, different at home with one parent, two parent and guests. They know how to push the envelope and most importantly when to push. They are miniature test machines which bombard you with situations which call for a continuous testing of your parental talents and worst is they record the scores and adapt the test bed to tear apart your weak areas. Do the strong areas get rewarded? Not sure. Actually I am not at all sure what I am writing, so let me go right back to conversations.

School has brought in the most needed schedule based lifestyle in the Parekh household. Everything is working like clockwork and it gives me a sense of control and makes me feel better. The kids are doing good too. Every day the usual "ride-back-home" conversations corroborate that.

"I am missing my old friends. But I have them in my heart as I love them." and Manav goes on to list the people he has in his heart and remarks

"I have a big heart to hold so many in it"

He also said on the first day of school

"I will take a while to like Ms Williams (new teacher) as I still like Ms Foley( old teacher). But I will like Ms Williams" .

The certainty of this statement kind of jolted me as I being a person who has never attended these teachers' classes felt it so hard to let go of Ms Foley. So is it his weak ties with people or the strong notion of "attachment happens" and "all people are good in this world" at work? I will never know, kids have a very different way of figuring out life and its changes. So far I havent seen them getting worked up with big issues, of course a broken wheel on a favorite car will make them go on a rampage. I know for sure that they live in the moment but slowly and steadily getting a hang of the time element.

Arnav is just happy being in Ms Foley's class. He is talking non-stop and has now found his voice and can actually interrupt Manav "the orator". But when I ask the usual question

"What did you do in school today Arnav" ?

"I ate goldfish, noodles and oranges" or some other combination of food. Earlier the answer used to be

"I watched Dora and Boots was being naughty" or some other combination of TV programs. There is no TV in new class.

While Manav would actually dwell on

"We didn't study the "feelings chart" today. We did some additions"

Does this indicate something? I don't know and honestly I don't want to know. I just look for the happiness and chirpiness of their replies, the content amuses me but doesnt bother me. Hope I can keep up with this attitude before being pulled into the whole competition thing.

The other day Ms Foley mentioned that we can actually see our Betta fish getting all ready for a combat if we brought a mirror in front of it. Sure enough when we returned from school and tried that the fish swelled up twice its original size and flared out its gills or whatever the contraption around its neck with a bright red color on the back. It was a scary sight and I actually thought it is unfair to provoke someone like this. And left it at that. Thankfully the kids didnt demand more when I explained.

Manav has now started telling us about his dreams. And I know for sure that he is dreaming and recollecting as he remarked the other day

"I was trying to run away from the animal but I couldnt run fast as my eyes wouldn't open"

This morning he said

"I am now dreaming about color changing cars. I dreamt about white Antonio, blue Antonio and King's wife"

The boys now have complete, coherent and long conversations at various locations - the back seat, on their beds before dozing off and in the toy room. After coming back from school they immediately get to play together and I realise they missed each other's company and I let them be though the back of my mind is reminding about homework and food. This is so precious and honestly I can acknowledge and appreciate all this as I get ample time in the morning enjoying this silence and thinking about and doing things. Incubation is on.

More in pictures.  

Manav helps Arnav with his shoes every morning before school. The fine print is he chooses which shoe Arnav should wear and then convinces Arnav with his marketing skills.

Basketball Fun in the backyard

Water Fun at a friend's backyard

Now some of Arnav's third Birthday party pics which I missed out

So till next time, do remember I have all of you in my heart though we cannot meet.

Balls

Whenever I send the kids to school.....OK lets take a pause here, this being summer school I was using discretion (read laziness) to send the kids to school. Days when we'd wake up fine, they'd finish their breakfast on time, get ready without much fuss, the school lunch menu would look edible and Caunteya would agree to drop them off, it was school time. And these were few and far between and lately more so as the kids were sick. Entire weeks went by without school. Else, if its regular school (which starts next Monday) they go to school everyday, barring sick days and holidays of course. So back to -

Whenever I send the kids to school I get burdened with this feeling to get something done, like grocery or a pending return at the store or cooking good stuff or cleaning the house, laundry, dishwasher - you get the drift. Meeting up with a friend or hitting the beauty parlor makes me feel a tad guilty nevertheless I do it sometimes. Today is a different kind of school day. The last school day of summer.

"Mommy bye. I will be back soon. Don't miss me too much" Arnav lisped. Words I have heard so many times but every time they make me feel so special. I must make a note here that I have such tender feelings for them at that moment as they are leaving. I am guaranteed some kid-free hours and that realization starts the guilt trip. And I try to immerse myself in activities which will sort of justify my sitting-at-home-yet-sending-kids-to-school-full-time status.

Before summer they went to half-day school so I hardly got time to dwell on my free-time guilt. Summer was mostly spent at home so not many heart burns there. BUT when Monday comes they will go to regular 8:15 - 3:15 school. Yes, both boys. I have been postponing this inevitable, justifying my "status", but no more. I am on my own now in a mix of laid-off and resigned from my day job. Now what? Have taken up more than allocated/justified real estate in my boys' blog so will jump right back to conversations.

Manav was in the potty the other day

"Mommy come here quick, I have to show you something"

"Its OK Manav just let me know when you are done" I replied with gross potty images in my mind

"No Mommy you have to come now."

I went in resigning to my fate and also thinking something might be wrong

"What are these balls here right under my pee-pee?"

"Hmm...don't worry, just a part of your body" I wasn't sure what to say and I walked out of the bathroom.

"Mommy I think they are just holding my susu. Nothing else" Manav shouted back.

I smiled to myself.

Manav often comes to me asking his worldly wise questions which usually boils down to asking the meaning of a word

"What does Zac mean when he says - I am contaminated?"

and I go around asking the circumstances in which he said that and in this case it turns out that Zac fell in the mud and the meaning is thus derived. Once he came to me saying

"What is zero years old? "

"When a baby is not 1 year old yet" I said

"Oh so the baby is not there? " big incredulous eyes stare back at me

"No, just that he is 4 months or 6 months or something like that. Not a year yet" I clarified

"Oh, when he is 12 years he will be 1 year old" Manav concluded

"Yes, 12 months not 12 years" I corrected.

"Oh, I am just 4 years, when will I be 1 year old then?"

That is when I realised he has his months and years muddled up. On a deeper note I suspect that the kids are yet to get the notion of time. Whenever I say anything other than 5 minutes (5 more minutes then we go back from mall/play area/TV etc) they ask me "Is that long time or short time? " and react accordingly.

We became the proud owners of a Crown tail Betta fish when Sharoon left for India. The boys hung around it for most part of the first day and then their interest has been diminishing. They do clamor when I feed the fish. So I just yank them atop the kitchen counter to have a good look at the fish when it grabs the food dropped in its tank. On one such occasion Arnav spit in the tank. I immediately pulled him down and yelled at him and said something to the effect that I will never let him see the fish-feed.

"Why did you spit Arnav? The fish can die...do you know that?"

"Mommy I was spitting so that the fish had more water" He said with tear rimmed eyes and proceeded to validate the statement by spitting on the kitchen floor.

Sure enough there was a small puddle. I learnt what I already know - Kids can and sometimes do have ulterior motives for seemingly destructive actions.

Arnav is still working on his "R" sound. He does OK when there is a "r" in between a word but when it starts with a "R" he uses "W". So he says "wed", "wun" and "westing" for "red", "run" and "resting" and so on. Manav always tries to teach him the correct "R" sound and Arnav gets exasperated and says

"I am saying "W", "W" "W" NOT "W".

We have also seen him practicing his "W" (he means "R") in the crack of the dawn on his bed.

Recently they added "Raoul CaRoule" to their cars collection and it is too much for Arnav to pronounce. He goes asking around for his "Trouble Trouble" !!

Any further addition to the fleet will be gladly accepted !! The BIG McQueen is the boom box that my brother presented Manav for his fourth Birthday. Also note "Wed" the fire engine - 3rd from right.

Yesterday we went out for a walk after dinner. Manav suddenly morphed into this very good guy. He was taking his pet toy dog Charlie for walk which of course Arnav wanted. He gave it to Arnav. I said

"Arnav after 5 minutes give Charlie back to Manav"

"No, No Mommy, let him have it as long as he wants. He doesn't have to give it back"

"What? Are you serious Manav? What is the secret? Whats going on? " My jaws popped out

"Nothing Mommy, I decided to be good. Sometimes I am bad sometimes I am good."

"Why can't you be good always Manav ?"

A coy smile is all I got to this question. He continued to be this "good" boy for a long time. Caunteya joined us and we were praising him and making remarks that he must have finally grown up.

"Mommy I think I am like God now. Changing his mind"

"Why God? God changes his mind?"

"Yes, he is good sometimes but then he becomes bad so that people will pray to him" I interpreted it as when good things happen no one looks for God but when bad things befall us we pray to God. Now who can beat that logic?

Arnav unfailingly comes to our bedroom after we tuck him in his bed. He either says

"I am itchy. Can you put some Aveeno please?"

or

"Can I sleep with you a lil bit please?"

Both demands I comply with no matter how tired I am. And then walk him back to his room and make sure he understands that he needs to sleep now and so does Mommy. Now how long this will continue is something to be seen. Manav has long since stopped his visits to our bedroom. Only in the morning he comes in with such sentences

"It looks like morning, but its still dark. How can that be? " We have heavy curtains in our bedroom.

or

"It is very quiet in my room. Can I sleep with you please?" I of course comply albeit thinking how our room is different. That's my "technological" brain. Ignore (Manav asked me once "what is technology?"). 

Both were very reluctant to go back to school after such a long break. Caunteya explained that they need to go to school to learn cool stuff like Biology, Physics and Chemistry

"What is Biology?" Manav asked

"Plants and Animals" I jumped in, relieved at answering a question without having to google.

"There, Mommy knows Biology. She can teach us. We don't need to go to school" pat came the reply

"We don't need to go to school" Arnav joined in

And I was caught in my own web. Well, Manav had his last word

"OK, I will go to school to show my Luminators (his Skechers shoes which glow) and surprise my friends today. No more school"

"No more school" Arnav said

That's how my dining table looks most of the days. And yes those are THE Luminators.

So I wrote to justify my kid-free Friday. I also went for my Yoga. Not to mention the usual - folding laundry, prepping food. But something else needs to be done. Will embark on answering the question - "What next?" next week. Either wish me luck or find me a job.

Mamar Baadi

All good things come to an end. And bad things too. Best part is - the end is the beginning of something. So here's to a new beginning - yes I know, "new" is redundant, but have to sound optimistic.

Last week we had a week long no-schedule and no-rule living. My brother and sister-in-law were visiting us and I had the "throwback" of the times spent with my mama (uncle) and masis (aunts) in my grandma's house. In Bengali we have the term "mamar baadi" (uncle's house) which signifies carefree life without the chains of adult rules and regulations. I wanted my kids to enjoy the same. This is the closest they can come to "mamar baadi" because when we visit grandma they don't get to see mama. For the longest time Caunteya used to sing "Tai tai tai, mamar baadi jai" song to the boys when they'd wake up at night (a million times) when younger.

Manav and Arnav had a blast, the uninhibited happiness and laughter bearing testimony to this. They had the 24*7 attention of two loving adults for an entire week. That's a luxury. Though the adults were fazed at times, the whole thing worked. We slept, ate, swum, played and did seemingly weird stuff at odd hours.

Every morning the boys would wake up and ask the same question

"Are they gone? Is Bablu mama and Wendy maami still there?"

and you could actually see the softening of features on their face signifying relief when they would get a sleepy "they are there" from me.

Wendy maami was for cuddling and reading books and talking sense non-stop while Bablu mama was for irritating, pulling leg, lifting up and doing "aeroplane" motions and talking non-sense non-stop. She was the "best girl ever" as testified by Arnav and he was the "I love Bablu mama" as gushed over by Manav.

Bablu mama was Arnav's official "protector" as Manav was still manipulating Arnav with the Disney Pixar cars.  As a "protector" Bablu mama would make sure that Arnav got to play with his cars and not just have a glimpse of them when deemed ok by Manav. This was the reason that they would run into multiple brawls.

"Bablu mama you protect Wendy maami. I will protect Arnav. He is my brother" Manav said angrily in the midst of such a brawl.

"Well a protector protects, he doesn't take things away" my brother said

"I will protect his cars. Arnav, I will protect your cars while you sleep. How about that?"

"You don't need to protect the cars when he is sleeping. He can hold them fine" Bablu continued.

and the angry fight continued as well.....

They are completely wrapped up the in the Cars characters. I even saw Arnav putting imaginary contact lenses on the "eyes" of the cars from his lens box ( my discarded case) so that they see better. Manav is still building ill-sounding stories around the cars which he wants and preventing Arnav from playing with them. The collection has since expanded. Will need to take a picture soon.

I made sure that the kids saw off their uncle Dabe and aunt Wendy at the airport so that they don't ask the same question next morning. Arnav said

"Bablu mama cannot leave. He will stay here"

"He has to go. He has a house to take care of there in Wisconsin"

"Then Mommy can go to take care of house. He will stay with us" Arnav said. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry at this comment.

The nice week long "vacation" came to at end with my good friend moving back to India. This provoked some "discussions" in the car

"When will Sharoon aunty be back?" Manav asked

"She will not come back. She will live in India" I said

"Why will she live in India?" Manav insisted

"She has her family there, mommy papa everyone. She wants to be with all of them"

"Why is Mommy Papa there in India? Why can't everyone live in Texas?"

"We are all from India. We were born there and came here for work. So our Mommy-Papa live there"

"Why was I born here?" and the questioning continued and I see this discussion happening several times in coming years. Even I don't have the answers.

Once when I asked Manav if he would like to go and live in India, he said

"Will you and Papa come?"

"Yes"

"Ok. I will go wherever you and Papa go" as simple as that. It reminded of that dreamy day feeling I had had almost 11 years ago when I was getting married. I distinctly remember feeling elated at the prospect of living with Caunteya forever and following him wherever he goes.

In pictures.....

Family - Thinning hair, popping tummies and growing boys.

Arnav had had a fall and hurt his foot. As the usual remedy I offered to kiss the "boo-boo" away. He said

"No, it is not going to work. I need ice". So here he is with the self remedy ice-pack. 

The boys climbing in Gaylord Texan. Right after this shot Arnav fell down scraping his tummy on the rocks.

Brothers not very happy at being asked to pose as the real excitement lay in the fish swimming in the background.

Arnav told me today " I am a good boy. I always eat"

"Ok time to leave now", translates to "Let's jump in the water clutching our cars"

Yes, "time to leave", to carry on with the mundane but not to lose sight of the heady feeling that will come with "jumping in the water".

Thermomonitor

The past week has been particularly taxing. After the wonderful birthday party last Saturday and a nice lazy Sunday spent talking about old times at a friend's house, Monday opened its doors as usual. It was time for Arnav's three year checkup and as the doctor remarked

"This has been the easiest of all check-ups so far". A reminder that the kid is growing up. He jumped up on the exam table, took long breaths, showed his ears, answered the doctor and came bouncing towards me with

"All done Mommy. I didn't cry"

"No shots this time." The doctor said and we rejoiced some more.

As we were leaving for the doctor's, Caunteya came in. I had asked for help with Manav so that I could take Arnav for his check-up. Manav wanted to come along too. He wanted the lollipop that you get after a check-up. I told him I will get that , he can stay at home with Papa and have a good time. He denied.

"Hey Manav, how can you leave? I just came in. Please stay with me." Caunteya tried his father charm

"Papa, you can look at a picture of me. I need to go for Arnav's check-up" Manav walked away

At 12:40 AM (how can I be so certain? well when a kid walks in, I always check the time) Manav walked in our room

"Mommy, my throat is making funny sounds"

"Oh, come over" and I pulled him on the bed and was shocked to be hugging a hot bundle. He registered 103.6 F on the thermometer. So Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday went in a medicine and thermometer blur. Arnav refused to leave his brother's side. He refused to go to school though that is what we all would have preferred ( all -- me and Caunteya).

"Manav is sick. How can I go to school?" Arnav said shrugging his little shoulders, when we coaxed him to go to school, at least to distribute his Birthday cupcakes.

Instead he insisted on getting the "thermomonitor" and checking Manav's temperature every now and then. Insisted on pretending to be sick and "drink" his medicine (water). Insisted on pushing Manav's stroller around the house checking with him if he needed something. ( I got the stroller as Manav wanted to be carried and that was too much for my back). Its the misty eyed feeling when they are such "brothers".

But the older one is a conman. Manav when freed from the throes of fever with the medication would embark right into preaching his brother about all the problems with the "Mc Queen" cars. On and on he would go, painstakingly inventing issues with the cars(so that Manav would give them up) and Arnav would hang onto each word of his. Whenever we would try to intervene Manav would put that finger on his lips

"Shhh Arnav its our secret. Don't let them know"

and Arnav would shake his head in affirmation.

"Arnav why don't you get your cars?" we would ask

"Dada (Manav) would be angry" he would demur.

Manav has made rules -- car visitation rules

1. You need to ask if you want to see a car.

2. He will hold up that car and you can see it for sometime

3. You cannot touch the car or take it

 which are more stringent than the earlier ones

1. You can ask for a car and take it

2. Don't forget to return it when asked for.

The other strategies he has used (always comes up with new ones)

"Arnav I want the papers" referring to the paper casings that the cars come in when we buy them. They usually have the name of the car and pictures of other cars with a "Collect them all" , at the back.

"No, Manav I want the papers" Arnav in his usual style

"Ok, you can have them. I will take the cars" Manav actually looked crestfallen. He is a great actor.

"Arnav how old are you?"

"Three"

"How many cars do you have?"

"Three"

"See, matches" Manav cheers him on. There are at least 10+ total cars now.

"Manav you are four years old" Arnav says. I perk up, at least the little one is thinking.

"Yes, that's our secret Arnav" Manav says in a conspiratorial tone. Arnav, if he was really thinking on the lines I was, seemed to have forgotten it and smiled, content in the fact that he was being included in dada's top secret.

And the story continues. Bottom line is Manav has hoarded all the cars sans Doc Hudson, a PVC McQueen whose wheels don't turn ( this was on the Birthday cake), an eraser yellow cars 2 character ( I don't know the name) and (surprise) Francesco Bernoulli. Manav decided to part with Francesco as it "doesn't have a body" referring to the race car look.

The other day I took the boys with me to Old Navy. They were getting a little too comfortable, hence louder at the store so I asked Manav to help me choose a t-shirt. Here were his comments

"This one is good, but has too many jewels on it" pointing to the blings and chains

"This one is too little. Will not cover you up Mommy" pointing to a tankini

"This one looks good. Will cover you up. Lets try this one Mommy" pointing to a almost high-neck, sleeved t-shirt, the very sight of which made me feel uncomfortably warm. As it is I was warming up to the thought that Manav liked his mom sheathed from head to toe, maybe a burkha would be his favorite.

This morning I was eager to send the boys to school after being under house arrest the rest of the week. I was calling Arnav to come and brush but he ignored me. After a couple of times I yelled

"Arnav, you are coming here right now or will be in big trouble"

He comes in the bathroom, gives me a calm look and says

"Mommy, when someone is watching something you must wait. You cannot yell. When someone is doing something bad then you can yell"

Just then I realised Arnav was looking at the rainbow made by the sprinklers in the yard. His favorite pass time. I was humbled and hung my head in a silent 'Sorry'.

Today, before bed, after brushing Arnav and Caunteya got in a tiff. Arnav had just rinsed and cannot have water before 30 minutes. But Arnav wanted water. And when Arnav wants water ( he always does, he is a guzzler) no one can stop him. Caunteya tried coaxing, cajoling, logic nothing worked. He had his water. On the bed Arnav said

"I want my blanket Mommy"

Caunteya went to cover him.

"I didn't ask for water Papa. I just asked for a blanket"

He had his last word. Arnav our surprise baby, never ceases to surprise us albeit in his quiet charming demeanor. Being three has sort of set him free. Yes, the kid has grown up.