Controll ...

Manav drew this food web yesterday while I was making dinner. You may have to blow up the picture for making out what he did. Though his drawing is pretty self explanatory (well it is for a 4 year old :-), I printed the names of the animals/predators/producers in the food chain (oops web, he was adamant I call it web and not chain) so that there is no ambiguity. I loved the fact that we as a family were a part of the food web, eating a cherry (producer as Manav would say). If you are still wondering what that brown tripod is, well it is a wooden board supported by three legs.

Then his father walked in (pretty late) while we were almost finishing dinner and Manav said

"Nice of you to stop by Papa. Nice to meet you" in a mock ambivalent tone.

"Sab tumhari ma ne sikhaya hoga" Caunteya said

I swear I didnt teach anything of that sort ever.

"There is nice alu and roti Papa" Arnav said

When it was time for dessert (I wanted to sound as if it is a normal affair in the Parekh household, but you know the truth), I declared the halwa and the boys were thrilled. When they looked at the halwa (they were expecting suji ka whitish/brownish halwa while this was baadam ka dark brown halwa) they lost some of that excitement though. Manav made up the situation by sniffing at the halwa and declaring

"It is chocolate halwa, lets eat it"

I served some to Arnav and he took a spoonful. While he was chewing both me and Caunteya went 

"Yummy....isn't it yummy Arnav?"

Meanwhile Manav had a little bit from Arnav's plate, while Arnav was still contemplating the taste.

"I don't like the halwa. Papa said everyone has different taste. While Papa loves the halwa I don't. " Manav said

"I don't like it either" Arnav the "copy-cat, smelly-rat" said

So Manav is a very rule oriented guy. One has to be very careful to lay out rules for him, coz when he is convinced about a rule he becomes a stickler. He will not budge and in that process make your life a bit hard to say the least.

Last night I declared with a flourish after brushing

"No gel today Manav." thinking he would be glad to skip a step to the dreary nighttime brush routine. Was I mistaken.

"Oh Mommy, why? Now my teeth will have no protection. The germs will get into them all night and make cavities." he was truly concerned

"Its fine Manav. Just that I am very tired and so is Papa. Sometimes you need to let the teeth deal with the germs. Arming them with protection every night makes them lazy" I sounded pretty lame.

"But Mommy....." he started his signature whine

"Listen Manav, you need to sleep happy. If you are whiny and sad when you go to sleep you will dream sad dreams, if you are happy and smiling, the dreams will be good. Just like the chocolate mountains and milky fountains and M&M grass you like dreaming about."

That seemed to convince him and he had this artificial smile on his face when he settled down in bed.

Then he came into my room and said

"Mommy I slept happy but still I had a sad dream" and I urged him to climb up in our bed.

I remember checking the clock - 5:45 AM. Thanked my stars that he didnt look at the clock. Had he then just like the other day he would have gone back to his room saying

"But it is still not 6 o'clock, I cannot sleep on your bed"

So when I bend the rules and try to make them appear favorable to him he gives me back. Sometimes I buckle him and just dont have the strength to put on the bottom belt, Manav is quick to remind me

"Remember seat belts save lives in an accident. You forgot the bottom belt Mommy"

So most of the times I am making rules and selling them to the boys while rest of the time Manav is reminding me to follow them. Arnav always does what Manav does anyways, so that makes it two of them. Who needs a policeman around ? But then neither do I need my 4 year old around telling me

"Mommy don't eat candies. They are not good for your teeth, besides they don't have fiber"

Yesterday we were picking books for bedtime. Manav said he will read the "Three little pig and the big bad wolf" while Arnav wanted to read "Three Billy Goats Gruff". So while still eating dinner the boys wanted to tell the stories in their own words before I read them at bedtime. Manav did an OK job and Arnav said

"Remember when the goat came on the bridge and there was the ugly control?"

"What? control? " we were surprised

"Yes, the ugly control who wanted to eat the goat?" Arnav reiterated

Thats when we realized he meant the ugly Troll. Any amount of coaxing couldn't make Arnav say troll instead of control.

Last friday as I was picking them up Arnav was invited by his teacher to pick up his treasure. Its a box of knick-knacks from which the kids get to pick on a Friday evening. Ms Foley (his teacher) said

"Manav you can pick one too, if you like"

'Manav is a big boy, he doesnt need treasures, right Manav?" I said

"I want a treasure too" said Manav

So Arnav picked a small red frog and a blue one, when I reminded he needs to pick only one. Reluctantly he let the blue one go. Manav picked up the blue one.

Once back in the car, Manav handed over the blue frog to Arnav. 

"Thanks Manav. Thats so sweet of you to share with Arnav" I said

"No Mommy. I tricked Ms Foley. I am a big boy and I don't need treasures, but I picked up one so Arnav can have 2 frogs. Here you go Arnav"

I let this very teachable moment go. Just didn't know how to handle it.

So there are many many teachable moments in a parents life. But what outnumbers them are the "being taught" moments. These kids teach you each and every moment you spend with them. When I say spend with them, I mean exclusive time without breaks for TV, phone or computer. These breaks kind of dilute the moments and make them less satisfying. Kids learn a lot but they teach a lot more during such moments. Alas, moments they are, not a lifetime. Kids grow up in a heartbeat and then both parties become hardened to the lessons they can still learn from each other but don't. So seize the moments and teach and let teach.