Ok, disclaimers first, this is going to be a sentimental post, could be because it is that time of the month for me, or maybe I have these feelings genuinely, or maybe its the ides of March. Whatever the reason I have this intense urge to pour my heart out, but I know this is a media for the boys - by them , of them and for them. But then I can argue that I am the ....well for a second I thought of writing 'creator', of course not, am embarrassed and humbled by this thought at the same time. Anyways, whatever it is let me attempt to make sense of my feelings and align them to 'conversations'....hmm tough task. Bring it on.
The major change that will take place in the Parekh household this fall, i.e in August 2012 is - Manav C Parekh will start school. He will turn 5 on April 21st and will go for his Kindergarten in one of the Public Schools in Plano. This is a big change for me and am sure will be for him as well, for entirely different reasons.
I will have to let go, he will want to hold on. We have come a long way from the day Manav was born. An infant with 100% dependence on me, it was an overwhelming task to cater to his needs, my needs and our needs. We were blended into one being. Our days and nights ceased to be days and nights but one long seemingly endless periods of nurturing, caring, cleaning, feeding, sleeping and many more ings....gradually we sort of woke up from this schedule, and one fine morning Manav noticed us and smiled and we smiled back. That moment brought in liberation and a tiny pang as we realised Manav is not 100% dependant on me any more. He could amuse himself with the crib toy, or stare at the ceiling fan or nibble at his toes for a minute at least, without whimpering for me. Thus began the gradual decrease in dependence and increase in Independence. Over the milestones conquered with cries, sweat, pain, happiness, gurgling, pees and poops we have reached that stage where I would say he has reached that over 50%Independence mark. I would never be certain of the exactness of his need for us but I am certain that it will never reach the 0% mark. A boy will always want his mamma (and papa of course), however old he his. With his starting school, there will a huge rise in this independence and I will have to let go. He will want to show he is enjoying this independence but deep in those vulnerable moments when he dozes off to sleep he would want to be that little boy, still want to sleep with Papa and never let go.
I will have to respect his opinions and he will wish we were more knowledgeable. Even now I can feel Manav getting frustrated that I am not sure whether a pigeon is a raptor or not ( Let me confess, the other day I asked them the 'one-of-these-doesnt-belong' question with a pigeon, eagle and robin, thinking the answer would be robin as it is not a raptor, little did I realise that pigeon aint one too) and God forbid the time when he criss-crosses me off his list of 'ask-later'.
I have to respect the fact that he is growing and needs more time and space for himself and phrases like 'right-now' and 'right-here' will be impasse. I will have to understand his sudden shyness around girls (or will it be boys?) and wait for him to acknowledge the same. The 'your dress is so beautiful' for anything I wear will be replaced with 'Hmm, this looks very printy and bright' (He said this last evening when I tried on my new Macy's dress). I have to control my temper when his questions change from 'Why is Papa always on calls?" to "Why do I always have to keep quiet in this house?". I will maintain my distance yet be so near he can reach me when he needs to. I will in short have to be patient, very patient. I am now dealing with an individual, a five year old of the 21st century who can be compared with a teenager of the 20th century. Yes, there is age related inflation too. I believe it.
How do I do this? I have no clue. But as it has happened all these years since the boys were born, I am sure I will have that divine intervention right when I need it which I will yet again label as parental intuition. The end.
Jumping right into conversations, I have been dropping the boys to school quite frequently of late as that ensures my gym time. So we have started doing songs as well as a variation of stories. Manav makes up these lovely songs, tunes them to known songs and sings with a great deal of dedication complete with chorus and ending falsetto. On day he sang the following to the tune of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'
Sparkly sparkly flashy diamond
You are always golden bright
Why do only girls wear you?
Why do boys have to be handsome too?
Now show me you can be handsome
And turn into beautiful also
or something like that, I don't remember the exact words.
Arnav sang the real twinkle twinkle and I sang 'Do Naina'. So this morning Manav said I must sing an English song. I said
"Mujhey koi English song nahin aata. Seriously"
"You said 'seriously', thats an English word. You know English song, please sing English song" Manav is destined to be a lawyer.
So I sang my old school song 'Gods Love is so wonderful' and they almost tried a standing ovation or whatever they could being tied in their car seats.
Manav sang a tree song, in the same twinkle tune something like
Trees, Trees, O Trees
Why are you so green?
Oh because you have chlorophyll
And you grow to fill our stomachs
But if you grow too much
Sorry we have to cut you down
And make houses and all that stuff
But always remember
That I love you
as you are my best friend.
Arnav chose to say the story of the lion, rhino and 12 birds. In his story these animals make an entry "Then a lion came .." in a sequence and you are supposed to exclaim "Oh really? and then?"
Did I mention that we also play the 'Who can keep quiet for the longest' game in the car too? But that doesn't last long.
Arnav has this daily routine of climbing up the stairs of the bunk bed and wishing Manav good night and then coming down to sleep on his bed underneath. Manav doesnt like this and always scolds him and discourages him from climbing up the stairs. So I told him a story. And I was surprised that the next day when Arnav forgot to wish him goodnight Manav said
"Hey Arnav. You must wish me goodnight. Remember Mommy's brother never said good night to her when they were kids and now he really wants to say good night to her but is so far away that he can't."
Arnav happily climbed up and said "Good Nite Manaf" and I strongly suspect his happiness lies in climbing the stairs more than wishing his brother.
The other day we stopped for doughnuts on our way back from school. The place was empty and Manav remarked
"Mommy looks like no one eats doughnuts any more."
"No, Manav, its just that it happens to be afternoon and people come in for doughnuts and coffee in the morning mostly"
The next morning when were were driving by Dunkin Donuts, he said
"Look Mommy, you were right. There are so many people in Dunkin Donuts. But donuts is not a good breakfast. These people will have no energy when they reach school. They will have frosting in their brains."
"They will have sprinkles in their brain" Arnav joined in
"They will have chocolate in their brain" Manav continued and so did the game laced with laughter.
Soon the banter will be gone from the car, soon I will be left in peace to listen to the radio and news
But till then I pray,
Let it be miles away...
Many more journeys to come
and many more conversations;
Coz I believe we've just begun.
The major change that will take place in the Parekh household this fall, i.e in August 2012 is - Manav C Parekh will start school. He will turn 5 on April 21st and will go for his Kindergarten in one of the Public Schools in Plano. This is a big change for me and am sure will be for him as well, for entirely different reasons.
I will have to let go, he will want to hold on. We have come a long way from the day Manav was born. An infant with 100% dependence on me, it was an overwhelming task to cater to his needs, my needs and our needs. We were blended into one being. Our days and nights ceased to be days and nights but one long seemingly endless periods of nurturing, caring, cleaning, feeding, sleeping and many more ings....gradually we sort of woke up from this schedule, and one fine morning Manav noticed us and smiled and we smiled back. That moment brought in liberation and a tiny pang as we realised Manav is not 100% dependant on me any more. He could amuse himself with the crib toy, or stare at the ceiling fan or nibble at his toes for a minute at least, without whimpering for me. Thus began the gradual decrease in dependence and increase in Independence. Over the milestones conquered with cries, sweat, pain, happiness, gurgling, pees and poops we have reached that stage where I would say he has reached that over 50%Independence mark. I would never be certain of the exactness of his need for us but I am certain that it will never reach the 0% mark. A boy will always want his mamma (and papa of course), however old he his. With his starting school, there will a huge rise in this independence and I will have to let go. He will want to show he is enjoying this independence but deep in those vulnerable moments when he dozes off to sleep he would want to be that little boy, still want to sleep with Papa and never let go.
I will have to respect his opinions and he will wish we were more knowledgeable. Even now I can feel Manav getting frustrated that I am not sure whether a pigeon is a raptor or not ( Let me confess, the other day I asked them the 'one-of-these-doesnt-belong' question with a pigeon, eagle and robin, thinking the answer would be robin as it is not a raptor, little did I realise that pigeon aint one too) and God forbid the time when he criss-crosses me off his list of 'ask-later'.
I have to respect the fact that he is growing and needs more time and space for himself and phrases like 'right-now' and 'right-here' will be impasse. I will have to understand his sudden shyness around girls (or will it be boys?) and wait for him to acknowledge the same. The 'your dress is so beautiful' for anything I wear will be replaced with 'Hmm, this looks very printy and bright' (He said this last evening when I tried on my new Macy's dress). I have to control my temper when his questions change from 'Why is Papa always on calls?" to "Why do I always have to keep quiet in this house?". I will maintain my distance yet be so near he can reach me when he needs to. I will in short have to be patient, very patient. I am now dealing with an individual, a five year old of the 21st century who can be compared with a teenager of the 20th century. Yes, there is age related inflation too. I believe it.
How do I do this? I have no clue. But as it has happened all these years since the boys were born, I am sure I will have that divine intervention right when I need it which I will yet again label as parental intuition. The end.
Jumping right into conversations, I have been dropping the boys to school quite frequently of late as that ensures my gym time. So we have started doing songs as well as a variation of stories. Manav makes up these lovely songs, tunes them to known songs and sings with a great deal of dedication complete with chorus and ending falsetto. On day he sang the following to the tune of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'
Sparkly sparkly flashy diamond
You are always golden bright
Why do only girls wear you?
Why do boys have to be handsome too?
Now show me you can be handsome
And turn into beautiful also
or something like that, I don't remember the exact words.
Arnav sang the real twinkle twinkle and I sang 'Do Naina'. So this morning Manav said I must sing an English song. I said
"Mujhey koi English song nahin aata. Seriously"
"You said 'seriously', thats an English word. You know English song, please sing English song" Manav is destined to be a lawyer.
So I sang my old school song 'Gods Love is so wonderful' and they almost tried a standing ovation or whatever they could being tied in their car seats.
Manav sang a tree song, in the same twinkle tune something like
Trees, Trees, O Trees
Why are you so green?
Oh because you have chlorophyll
And you grow to fill our stomachs
But if you grow too much
Sorry we have to cut you down
And make houses and all that stuff
But always remember
That I love you
as you are my best friend.
Arnav chose to say the story of the lion, rhino and 12 birds. In his story these animals make an entry "Then a lion came .." in a sequence and you are supposed to exclaim "Oh really? and then?"
Did I mention that we also play the 'Who can keep quiet for the longest' game in the car too? But that doesn't last long.
Arnav has this daily routine of climbing up the stairs of the bunk bed and wishing Manav good night and then coming down to sleep on his bed underneath. Manav doesnt like this and always scolds him and discourages him from climbing up the stairs. So I told him a story. And I was surprised that the next day when Arnav forgot to wish him goodnight Manav said
"Hey Arnav. You must wish me goodnight. Remember Mommy's brother never said good night to her when they were kids and now he really wants to say good night to her but is so far away that he can't."
Arnav happily climbed up and said "Good Nite Manaf" and I strongly suspect his happiness lies in climbing the stairs more than wishing his brother.
The other day we stopped for doughnuts on our way back from school. The place was empty and Manav remarked
"Mommy looks like no one eats doughnuts any more."
"No, Manav, its just that it happens to be afternoon and people come in for doughnuts and coffee in the morning mostly"
The next morning when were were driving by Dunkin Donuts, he said
"Look Mommy, you were right. There are so many people in Dunkin Donuts. But donuts is not a good breakfast. These people will have no energy when they reach school. They will have frosting in their brains."
"They will have sprinkles in their brain" Arnav joined in
"They will have chocolate in their brain" Manav continued and so did the game laced with laughter.
Soon the banter will be gone from the car, soon I will be left in peace to listen to the radio and news
But till then I pray,
Let it be miles away...
Many more journeys to come
and many more conversations;
Coz I believe we've just begun.
I should've heeded your warning and should have read it on one of the more "high" days - I faced the same trauma last night when I couldn't make the decision of leaving Kaisha peacefully playing on her own in her crib, or carry her to our bedroom and watch her play. Guess this was one of the first encounters with the need to "let go" .. I can just imagine how hard it must be on you, but I am sure there would be some compensation coming your way, and like all the other transitions in the past, this one will be smooth and happy too! Love the last lines :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sheetal...here's to our smooth transitions...Cheers
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