"Hey Mommy look the same tree where we went to in Arkansas" Manav exclaimed
I checked, he was pointing to the tree on the front page of the Arkansas guide booklet. It sure did look like the ones we saw on the trails up in Mt Magazine. The beauty of the mountains, valley and the river was breathtaking. It is amazing how nature can make you feel so good. Everyone was in super mood last weekend.
It was a revelation to me that the boys actually hiked. They alternated as trail leaders, self-guided trail's number spotters, map readers and simply hikers. They were very involved in the "scurry scurry spiders", "spiny spiny caterpillars", leaves, butterflies, trees and most of all the brown grasshoppers which I suspect were locusts. They were everywhere and the boys just loved running after them.
"Why do adults have bad things?" Manav asked me
"What do you mean Manav?" I was confused
"Why do they have chai, which has caffeine, why do they chew gums which have chemicals which harm the teeth?"
That is when I realised that we all were chewing gum during the drive and told the boys that it was adult stuff and bad for kids.
"Manav some things are bad for kids, but OK for adults. And even we don't chew gum always, as it is a vacation we are doing that"
"OK, I will have the kid gum that is in the Lightening McQueen box in my bed. You remember the ones we got from Savir's birthday party Pinata?"
"OK" I just let it go.
The whole conversation though made me dwell on how we shield our kids from anything remotely harmful while embracing them ourselves. There is not a single day I would let the kids go to bed without brushing their teeth, while most days I am "too tired" to brush. Every day I strive to include at least one fruit and one vegetable in the kids' diet, most days I eat junk. Guess, it would be easier for all of us to follow these rules but then look at how I am munching on these cookies while typing - I need to eat while writing - quirks of adulthood, I don't know what else to label it.
"Have you ever seen the inside of a knee Mommy?"
"No"
"Now you can. Look, here is how it looks" and displayed his knee with a flourish. Manav had scraped his knee and it was raw.
The other day I overheard Manav
"Arnav, lets look it up on the Internet"
and was wondering when this replaced the earlier
"Arnav, lets ask Mommy"
Manav has this dream of being famous someday I think.
"Mommy when I will wear this soccer medal all people will surround me and look at it"
Now the soccer frenzy is back with a bang as I enrolled the kids in the fall classes. Yes, this year Arnav being 3 qualified for the toddler team. Only problem is Arnav's coach didn't deem practice games necessary, so he has only Sat matches. So yesterday when I took Manav for his practice match, Arnav said
"Next time don't forget to put me in a soccer team Mommy"
I didnt know how to explain that he doesnt have a practice. He went ballistic when Manav got his soccer jersey and refused to come back without one of his own.
"I am very mad at you." Arnav pouted and continued his tantrum
After a while when he calmed down he told me
"I am sorry Mommy. I promise I will never do that again" with a clarity that surprised me. I mean this is Arnav, my baby and already saying big-boy words. I smiled.
"Its Ok Arnav. I am sorry that you got hurt"
"You don't be sorry. The slide should be sorry, it hurt me" Arnav was back to being a baby.
One night I told Manav
"Listen your friends are coming over tomorrow. What will they say when they see this messy toy room?"
He went into the "thinking mode". When Manav is quiet after you said something, be sure he is digesting the information and processing it.
I got busy with preparing Arnav for bed and suddenly
"Surprise Mommy"
I was really surprised as the toy room looked brand new. This is the very first time he has done this, he does clean the room but with guidance and also I and Arnav help him. But this time he did it all by himself, putting things in the right place. I was very very encouraged and went into a daydream of how my days were going to get a whole lot better with minimal picking up after the boys.
"We are cleaning up the crayons, nothing else, OK Mommy" clarified Manav when I saw them clearing the room when I said crayons can mark the carpet and Papa will be upset.
"I don't think I can clean the room, you have to do it this time" Manav said with hands on his hips and a sad but confident look on his face.
Thus my dreams crashed but I am still hoping.
Manav came in smiling conspiratorially.
"Mommy I have a secret. I didnt tell anyone, this is only for the family"
"What is it?" I was intrigued
"C starts with a S" and went on to demonstrate the phonics with lots of "ssss" sounds.
"Arnav do you know what danger means?" Manav asked
"No"
"It means bad things will happen to you"
"Oh"
"Do you want to be in danger?"
"No"
"Then please go and keep the racing cars back in my bag"
"Ok Manav"
and there went "scurry scurry Arnav"
"You seem to be very nervous Mommy" Manav said
"Yes, I am tired. Papa is not here. I still have to brush you boys and put you in bed. I haven't had dinner and also need to change" I went on my tirade. We were just back from Manav's soccer practice at the other end of the city
"Oh, why dont we do this then- Arnav will brush all by himself, he is a big boy and you brush me as I swallow the paste"
"Its OK Manav. For now I will appreciate if you finish your dinner without talking any more" I was mad that Manav has a solution to everything.
The other day Manav told me
"You can have the strawberry toothpaste and use it. I am fine with this adult toothpaste as I can handle the jhaal (spice)"
"OK" I continued brushing him not paying much attention to what he was saying
"It is strawberry, makes me strong. Oh, its just flavor, not real strawberry so its fine, doesn't make me strong" He continued his after thoughts
And sure enough I found the strawberry toothpaste in my bathroom the next morning.
"I am very 'ess, ayyy, dee' (S-A-D)" answered Manav when I asked him this morning, what's the matter.
"Why?"
"Because you said you wont pick me up" The boys were up to mischief again when I went to get dressed to drop the kids at school. When I came back from the bathroom, they were in the backyard playing with the water hose. This was the second time as last evening they were in the "side yard" digging holes for "honey badgers" with the sharp garden tools when I was in the bathroom getting dressed for soccer practice. I was very mad and threatened with the harshest consequence that came to my mind
"Then all the parents would pick up their kids and everyone will be gone"
"The teachers would leave as well" he continued
"And I will be kind of lonely"
Big eyes swelled with tears but he did a good job of controlling them, a choked voice betraying his emotions.
"Manav you understand that you are not listening to Mommy. And when you don't listen you get into trouble. And you must be punished so that you don't do that again. This time I will pick you up but please remember not to repeat it."
"I am sorry. I promise never to do it again Mommy" Arnav chimed in, that's when it occurred to me that this is a recorded line, if you know what I mean.
I am still ashamed that I used the wont-pick-u-up line. I cannot imagine being in Manav's position at the mercy of his parents to pick him up from school. I mentally told Manav, this will never happen, not even in dreams but dared not speak aloud lest I lose out on the threat value. Having already used it I didn't want it wasted.
Such heart wrenching moments with the nagging thought of not being a good parent happen all the time. Parenting is a difficult task and I admire this profession the most. The only solace as of now is I can get away with it, as I know Manav will come home all in smiles and without a single dent on his trust in me. His gullibility is working for me now but as he grows up I know I cannot get away with such blackmail. Need some continuous education points on my parental resume now. Time for an update. New harmless threats that work? And what a misnomer the "credible threats" theory is, I mean isn't threat all about non-activity? Another time and place I guess. For now it is time to pick up the kids and God forbid if I ever don't pick them up - that means I am dead.
I checked, he was pointing to the tree on the front page of the Arkansas guide booklet. It sure did look like the ones we saw on the trails up in Mt Magazine. The beauty of the mountains, valley and the river was breathtaking. It is amazing how nature can make you feel so good. Everyone was in super mood last weekend.
It was a revelation to me that the boys actually hiked. They alternated as trail leaders, self-guided trail's number spotters, map readers and simply hikers. They were very involved in the "scurry scurry spiders", "spiny spiny caterpillars", leaves, butterflies, trees and most of all the brown grasshoppers which I suspect were locusts. They were everywhere and the boys just loved running after them.
"Why do adults have bad things?" Manav asked me
"What do you mean Manav?" I was confused
"Why do they have chai, which has caffeine, why do they chew gums which have chemicals which harm the teeth?"
That is when I realised that we all were chewing gum during the drive and told the boys that it was adult stuff and bad for kids.
"Manav some things are bad for kids, but OK for adults. And even we don't chew gum always, as it is a vacation we are doing that"
"OK, I will have the kid gum that is in the Lightening McQueen box in my bed. You remember the ones we got from Savir's birthday party Pinata?"
"OK" I just let it go.
The whole conversation though made me dwell on how we shield our kids from anything remotely harmful while embracing them ourselves. There is not a single day I would let the kids go to bed without brushing their teeth, while most days I am "too tired" to brush. Every day I strive to include at least one fruit and one vegetable in the kids' diet, most days I eat junk. Guess, it would be easier for all of us to follow these rules but then look at how I am munching on these cookies while typing - I need to eat while writing - quirks of adulthood, I don't know what else to label it.
"Have you ever seen the inside of a knee Mommy?"
"No"
"Now you can. Look, here is how it looks" and displayed his knee with a flourish. Manav had scraped his knee and it was raw.
The other day I overheard Manav
"Arnav, lets look it up on the Internet"
and was wondering when this replaced the earlier
"Arnav, lets ask Mommy"
Manav has this dream of being famous someday I think.
"Mommy when I will wear this soccer medal all people will surround me and look at it"
Now the soccer frenzy is back with a bang as I enrolled the kids in the fall classes. Yes, this year Arnav being 3 qualified for the toddler team. Only problem is Arnav's coach didn't deem practice games necessary, so he has only Sat matches. So yesterday when I took Manav for his practice match, Arnav said
"Next time don't forget to put me in a soccer team Mommy"
I didnt know how to explain that he doesnt have a practice. He went ballistic when Manav got his soccer jersey and refused to come back without one of his own.
"I am very mad at you." Arnav pouted and continued his tantrum
After a while when he calmed down he told me
"I am sorry Mommy. I promise I will never do that again" with a clarity that surprised me. I mean this is Arnav, my baby and already saying big-boy words. I smiled.
"Its Ok Arnav. I am sorry that you got hurt"
"You don't be sorry. The slide should be sorry, it hurt me" Arnav was back to being a baby.
One night I told Manav
"Listen your friends are coming over tomorrow. What will they say when they see this messy toy room?"
He went into the "thinking mode". When Manav is quiet after you said something, be sure he is digesting the information and processing it.
I got busy with preparing Arnav for bed and suddenly
"Surprise Mommy"
I was really surprised as the toy room looked brand new. This is the very first time he has done this, he does clean the room but with guidance and also I and Arnav help him. But this time he did it all by himself, putting things in the right place. I was very very encouraged and went into a daydream of how my days were going to get a whole lot better with minimal picking up after the boys.
"We are cleaning up the crayons, nothing else, OK Mommy" clarified Manav when I saw them clearing the room when I said crayons can mark the carpet and Papa will be upset.
"I don't think I can clean the room, you have to do it this time" Manav said with hands on his hips and a sad but confident look on his face.
Thus my dreams crashed but I am still hoping.
Manav came in smiling conspiratorially.
"Mommy I have a secret. I didnt tell anyone, this is only for the family"
"What is it?" I was intrigued
"C starts with a S" and went on to demonstrate the phonics with lots of "ssss" sounds.
"Arnav do you know what danger means?" Manav asked
"No"
"It means bad things will happen to you"
"Oh"
"Do you want to be in danger?"
"No"
"Then please go and keep the racing cars back in my bag"
"Ok Manav"
and there went "scurry scurry Arnav"
"You seem to be very nervous Mommy" Manav said
"Yes, I am tired. Papa is not here. I still have to brush you boys and put you in bed. I haven't had dinner and also need to change" I went on my tirade. We were just back from Manav's soccer practice at the other end of the city
"Oh, why dont we do this then- Arnav will brush all by himself, he is a big boy and you brush me as I swallow the paste"
"Its OK Manav. For now I will appreciate if you finish your dinner without talking any more" I was mad that Manav has a solution to everything.
The other day Manav told me
"You can have the strawberry toothpaste and use it. I am fine with this adult toothpaste as I can handle the jhaal (spice)"
"OK" I continued brushing him not paying much attention to what he was saying
"It is strawberry, makes me strong. Oh, its just flavor, not real strawberry so its fine, doesn't make me strong" He continued his after thoughts
And sure enough I found the strawberry toothpaste in my bathroom the next morning.
"I am very 'ess, ayyy, dee' (S-A-D)" answered Manav when I asked him this morning, what's the matter.
"Why?"
"Because you said you wont pick me up" The boys were up to mischief again when I went to get dressed to drop the kids at school. When I came back from the bathroom, they were in the backyard playing with the water hose. This was the second time as last evening they were in the "side yard" digging holes for "honey badgers" with the sharp garden tools when I was in the bathroom getting dressed for soccer practice. I was very mad and threatened with the harshest consequence that came to my mind
"Then all the parents would pick up their kids and everyone will be gone"
"The teachers would leave as well" he continued
"And I will be kind of lonely"
Big eyes swelled with tears but he did a good job of controlling them, a choked voice betraying his emotions.
"Manav you understand that you are not listening to Mommy. And when you don't listen you get into trouble. And you must be punished so that you don't do that again. This time I will pick you up but please remember not to repeat it."
"I am sorry. I promise never to do it again Mommy" Arnav chimed in, that's when it occurred to me that this is a recorded line, if you know what I mean.
I am still ashamed that I used the wont-pick-u-up line. I cannot imagine being in Manav's position at the mercy of his parents to pick him up from school. I mentally told Manav, this will never happen, not even in dreams but dared not speak aloud lest I lose out on the threat value. Having already used it I didn't want it wasted.
Such heart wrenching moments with the nagging thought of not being a good parent happen all the time. Parenting is a difficult task and I admire this profession the most. The only solace as of now is I can get away with it, as I know Manav will come home all in smiles and without a single dent on his trust in me. His gullibility is working for me now but as he grows up I know I cannot get away with such blackmail. Need some continuous education points on my parental resume now. Time for an update. New harmless threats that work? And what a misnomer the "credible threats" theory is, I mean isn't threat all about non-activity? Another time and place I guess. For now it is time to pick up the kids and God forbid if I ever don't pick them up - that means I am dead.
Oh DJ - this was such a joy to read - ending in a thoughtful note though. Laughed throughout the conversations - Manav is so full of thoughts & ideas - and Arnav - so full of emotions - Keshav & I still laugh each time we recollect his gesture when we turned left on Signal Hill Trail!
ReplyDeletelovely read DJ.
ReplyDelete