Fall

This morning I had to wean the boys off the TV so I said
"Hey come here. Look, when I opened the garage door I found something nice"
They were rolling on the carpet after having switched off the TV.
"I am TV brained" Manav said
"I am brain dead" Arnav added
"Come out, see what I found"
As expected they scampered out. They expectantly scanned the area around the garage but couldn't find anything.
"What is it Mommy?" both chimed.
I did my hindi movie style circles with spread hands and head tilted towards the sky and sang
"I can smell the fresh air and the chill makes me feel - fall is in the air, fall is in the air, fall is everywhere"
And when I looked at the boys I saw that perplexed stare mutely conveying "What's wrong with her?"
"What special things happen in fall guys?" I asked, not deterred at all
"We fall" came a sullen reply from Manav.
And then we all burst out laughing and continued to do so till the boys were bundled in the car and driven off to school.

I walked in and felt this weird feeling. I initially actually never missed the boys when they started going to school full time. But somewhere along the way I did start to miss them and would want the clock to circle nearer to 3 so that I can get them back. Its a weird thing - this human heart.

The other day I took the kids to the park. It is beautiful weather now and the outdoors beckons us always. When we were coming back to the car Manav said
"I can get my voice 3 meters high"
"What?" I was confused
"When I yell, I raise my voice. I am saying I can raise it 3 meters high like this" and yelled a bit
"Oh I see. And have you noticed when the voice is raised it hurts in the throat and doesn't feel great at all" I wanted to make this a learning moment.
"Here see how a 4 metres raise is?" And he yelled louder. Arnav joined in too. They kind of ignored my comment.
And then we went on to demonstrate 1m, 2m and I introduced them to the concept of -1, -2 by whispers. Not sure if they followed the negative number line concept but loved the whisper level.

Arnav told me the other day that
"I have to swallow a bubble in my mouth. That way I will not talk when Ms Foley is talking. If I talk then I will have to stand with my nose on the door."
"If Ms Williams gets mad at me I will have to lose my place on the square. I don't want that as I want to learn and study in school" Manav added.

I wondered what would make this disciplined at home. Should I enforce the nose-on-door or lose-your-square rule. Well nothing will work, I guess, that is because they have already figured out the universal fact - "We will get away with it at home". Just that it hasn't become "We will get away with anything at home". So long...

Please NOTE:

To all my readers, I want to convey my heartfelt thanks for reading and leaving comments. Special thanks to my parents, in-laws, Sheetal, Sharoon and Caunteya for reading each one of my posts so far.

I will be sort of underground for a while, maybe till the end of this year, as I am working on something. Do come back in 2012 as I plan to be more regular then. If you are already a "follower" of my blog I will send a mail when I post again. You can become a follower by clicking on the 'Join this site' button on the right of this page. If I cannot resist posting or there is really something I need to write about, I will go ahead and you will receive an email earlier (than 2012)

Pick me up

"Hey Mommy look the same tree where we went to in Arkansas" Manav exclaimed
I checked, he was pointing to the tree on the front page of the Arkansas guide booklet. It sure did look like the ones we saw on the trails up in Mt Magazine. The beauty of the mountains, valley and the river was breathtaking. It is amazing how nature can make you feel so good. Everyone was in super mood last weekend.

It was a revelation to me that the boys actually hiked. They alternated as trail leaders, self-guided trail's number spotters, map readers and simply hikers. They were very involved in the "scurry scurry spiders", "spiny spiny caterpillars", leaves, butterflies, trees and most of all the brown grasshoppers which I suspect were locusts. They were everywhere and the boys just loved running after them.

"Why do adults have bad things?" Manav asked me
"What do you mean Manav?" I was confused
"Why do they have chai, which has caffeine, why do they chew gums which have chemicals which harm the teeth?"
That is when I realised that we all were chewing gum during the drive and told the boys that it was adult stuff and bad for kids.
"Manav some things are bad for kids, but OK for adults. And even we don't chew gum always, as it is a vacation we are doing that"
"OK, I will have the kid gum that is in the Lightening McQueen box in my bed. You remember the ones we got from Savir's birthday party Pinata?"
"OK" I just let it go.

The whole conversation though made me dwell on how we shield our kids from anything remotely harmful while embracing them ourselves. There is not a single day I would let the kids go to bed without brushing their teeth, while most days I am "too tired" to brush. Every day I strive to include at least one fruit and one vegetable in the kids' diet, most days I eat junk. Guess, it would be easier for all of us to follow these rules but then look at how I am munching on these cookies while typing - I need to eat while writing - quirks of adulthood, I don't know what else to label it.

"Have you ever seen the inside of a knee Mommy?"
"No"
"Now you can. Look, here is how it looks" and displayed his knee with a flourish. Manav had scraped his knee and it was raw.
The other day I overheard Manav
"Arnav, lets look it up on the Internet"
and was wondering when this replaced the earlier
"Arnav, lets ask Mommy"

Manav has this dream of being famous someday I think.
"Mommy when I will wear this soccer medal all people will surround me and look at it"
Now the soccer frenzy is back with a bang as I enrolled the kids in the fall classes. Yes, this year Arnav being 3 qualified for the toddler team. Only problem is Arnav's coach didn't deem practice games necessary, so he has only Sat matches. So yesterday when I took Manav for his practice match, Arnav said
"Next time don't forget to put me in a soccer team Mommy"
I didnt know how to explain that he doesnt have a practice. He went ballistic when Manav got his soccer jersey and refused to come back without one of his own.
"I am very mad at you." Arnav pouted and continued his tantrum
After a while when he calmed down he told me
"I am sorry Mommy. I promise I will never do that again" with a clarity that surprised me. I mean this is Arnav, my baby and already saying big-boy words. I smiled.
"Its Ok Arnav. I am sorry that you got hurt"
"You don't be sorry. The slide should be sorry, it hurt me" Arnav was back to being a baby.

One night I told Manav
"Listen your friends are coming over tomorrow. What will they say when they see this messy toy room?"
He went into the "thinking mode". When Manav is quiet after you said something, be sure he is digesting the information and processing it. 
I got busy with preparing Arnav for bed and suddenly
"Surprise Mommy"
I was really surprised as the toy room looked brand new. This is the very first time he has done this, he does clean the room but with guidance and also I and Arnav help him. But this time he did it all by himself, putting things in the right place. I was very very encouraged and went into a daydream of how my days were going to get a whole lot better with minimal picking up after the boys. 

"We are cleaning up the crayons, nothing else, OK Mommy" clarified Manav when I saw them clearing the room when I said crayons can mark the carpet and Papa will be upset. 
"I don't think I can clean the room, you have to do it this time" Manav said with hands on his hips and a sad but confident look on his face. 
Thus my dreams crashed but I am still hoping. 

Manav came in smiling conspiratorially.
"Mommy I have a secret. I didnt tell anyone, this is only for the family"
"What is it?" I was intrigued
"C starts with a S" and went on to demonstrate the phonics with lots of "ssss" sounds.

"Arnav do you know what danger means?" Manav asked
"No"
"It means bad things will happen to you"
"Oh"
"Do you want to be in danger?"
"No"
"Then please go and keep the racing cars back in my bag"
"Ok Manav"
and there went "scurry scurry Arnav"

"You seem to be very nervous Mommy" Manav said
"Yes, I am tired. Papa is not here. I still have to brush you boys and put you in bed. I haven't had dinner and also need to change" I went on my tirade. We were just back from Manav's soccer practice at the other end of the city
"Oh, why dont we do this then- Arnav will brush all by himself, he is a big boy and you brush me as I swallow the paste"
"Its OK Manav. For now I will appreciate if you finish your dinner without talking any more" I was mad that Manav has a solution to everything.

The other day Manav told me
"You can have the strawberry toothpaste and use it. I am fine with this adult toothpaste as I can handle the jhaal (spice)"
"OK" I continued brushing him not paying much attention to what he was saying
"It is strawberry, makes me strong. Oh, its just flavor, not real strawberry so its fine, doesn't make me strong" He continued his after thoughts
And sure enough I found the strawberry toothpaste in my bathroom the next morning.

"I am very 'ess, ayyy, dee' (S-A-D)" answered Manav when I asked him this morning, what's the matter. 
"Why?"
"Because you said you wont pick me up" The boys were up to mischief again when I went to get dressed to drop the kids at school. When I came back from the bathroom, they were in the backyard playing with the water hose. This was the second time as last evening they were in the "side yard" digging holes for "honey badgers" with the sharp garden tools when I was in the bathroom getting dressed for soccer practice. I was very mad and threatened with the harshest consequence that came to my mind
"Then all the parents would pick up their kids and everyone will be gone"
"The teachers would leave as well" he continued
"And I will be kind of lonely"
Big eyes swelled with tears but he did a good job of controlling them, a choked voice betraying his emotions.
"Manav you understand that you are not listening to Mommy. And when you don't listen you get into trouble. And you must be punished so that you don't do that again. This time I will pick you up but please remember not to repeat it."
"I am sorry. I promise never to do it again Mommy" Arnav chimed in, that's when it occurred to me that this is a recorded line, if you know what I mean.
I am still ashamed that I used the wont-pick-u-up line. I cannot imagine being in Manav's position at the mercy of his parents to pick him up from school. I mentally told Manav, this will never happen, not even in dreams but dared not speak aloud lest I lose out on the threat value. Having already used it I didn't want it wasted.

Such heart wrenching moments with the nagging thought of not being a good parent happen all the time. Parenting is a difficult task and I admire this profession the most. The only solace as of now is I can get away with it, as I know Manav will come home all in smiles and without a single dent on his trust in me. His gullibility is working for me now but as he grows up I know I cannot get away with such blackmail. Need some continuous education points on my parental resume now. Time for an update. New harmless threats that work? And what a misnomer the "credible threats" theory is, I mean isn't  threat all about non-activity? Another time and place I guess. For now it is time to pick up the kids and God forbid if I ever don't pick them up - that means I am dead.

In my heart

Steve Jobs resigns and we see a whole plethora of his speeches/writings inundating the web. Reminds me of that happy feeling we used to have when a movie star would die and we would get a week long of his movies otherwise limited to weekend views on television. Very very sad but then some one's loss is the other person's gain. So many things happening - HP phases out its core business, Google buys Motorola, Irene all set to hit the East Coast and the likes but my world is centered around checking the lunch menu and imagining the kids eating OK at school, sleeping OK at school and wondering if they would be able to clean themselves after potty. Of course I do wonder about the learning at school but to a lesser extent. I envision a stress free education for them unlike mine which was always geared towards scoring and "coming first" in class.

Caunteya due to his training has been reaching home late and leaving early. Yesterday he could reach home only by midnight. It was just the three of us. We did our homework, played, watched TV, went for a walk out, asked tonnes of questions, brushed, flossed and went to bed. Now add Papa to this mix, every task becomes 10% more difficult as they make the leeway for making it funner for them i.e harder for us. Now add a guest family to the list with or without kids, each task becomes 50% more difficult. Here the kids know that they can now demand as the parents' are concentrating on conversation/dinner for the guests. They will act weird, ask for TV time at 8:30 PM, get into brawls and everything they like doing but never do when its a controlled family atmosphere.

The point I am trying to make is the ease with which these kids morph - they are different people in school, different at home with one parent, two parent and guests. They know how to push the envelope and most importantly when to push. They are miniature test machines which bombard you with situations which call for a continuous testing of your parental talents and worst is they record the scores and adapt the test bed to tear apart your weak areas. Do the strong areas get rewarded? Not sure. Actually I am not at all sure what I am writing, so let me go right back to conversations.

School has brought in the most needed schedule based lifestyle in the Parekh household. Everything is working like clockwork and it gives me a sense of control and makes me feel better. The kids are doing good too. Every day the usual "ride-back-home" conversations corroborate that.

"I am missing my old friends. But I have them in my heart as I love them." and Manav goes on to list the people he has in his heart and remarks

"I have a big heart to hold so many in it"

He also said on the first day of school

"I will take a while to like Ms Williams (new teacher) as I still like Ms Foley( old teacher). But I will like Ms Williams" .

The certainty of this statement kind of jolted me as I being a person who has never attended these teachers' classes felt it so hard to let go of Ms Foley. So is it his weak ties with people or the strong notion of "attachment happens" and "all people are good in this world" at work? I will never know, kids have a very different way of figuring out life and its changes. So far I havent seen them getting worked up with big issues, of course a broken wheel on a favorite car will make them go on a rampage. I know for sure that they live in the moment but slowly and steadily getting a hang of the time element.

Arnav is just happy being in Ms Foley's class. He is talking non-stop and has now found his voice and can actually interrupt Manav "the orator". But when I ask the usual question

"What did you do in school today Arnav" ?

"I ate goldfish, noodles and oranges" or some other combination of food. Earlier the answer used to be

"I watched Dora and Boots was being naughty" or some other combination of TV programs. There is no TV in new class.

While Manav would actually dwell on

"We didn't study the "feelings chart" today. We did some additions"

Does this indicate something? I don't know and honestly I don't want to know. I just look for the happiness and chirpiness of their replies, the content amuses me but doesnt bother me. Hope I can keep up with this attitude before being pulled into the whole competition thing.

The other day Ms Foley mentioned that we can actually see our Betta fish getting all ready for a combat if we brought a mirror in front of it. Sure enough when we returned from school and tried that the fish swelled up twice its original size and flared out its gills or whatever the contraption around its neck with a bright red color on the back. It was a scary sight and I actually thought it is unfair to provoke someone like this. And left it at that. Thankfully the kids didnt demand more when I explained.

Manav has now started telling us about his dreams. And I know for sure that he is dreaming and recollecting as he remarked the other day

"I was trying to run away from the animal but I couldnt run fast as my eyes wouldn't open"

This morning he said

"I am now dreaming about color changing cars. I dreamt about white Antonio, blue Antonio and King's wife"

The boys now have complete, coherent and long conversations at various locations - the back seat, on their beds before dozing off and in the toy room. After coming back from school they immediately get to play together and I realise they missed each other's company and I let them be though the back of my mind is reminding about homework and food. This is so precious and honestly I can acknowledge and appreciate all this as I get ample time in the morning enjoying this silence and thinking about and doing things. Incubation is on.

More in pictures.  

Manav helps Arnav with his shoes every morning before school. The fine print is he chooses which shoe Arnav should wear and then convinces Arnav with his marketing skills.

Basketball Fun in the backyard

Water Fun at a friend's backyard

Now some of Arnav's third Birthday party pics which I missed out

So till next time, do remember I have all of you in my heart though we cannot meet.

Balls

Whenever I send the kids to school.....OK lets take a pause here, this being summer school I was using discretion (read laziness) to send the kids to school. Days when we'd wake up fine, they'd finish their breakfast on time, get ready without much fuss, the school lunch menu would look edible and Caunteya would agree to drop them off, it was school time. And these were few and far between and lately more so as the kids were sick. Entire weeks went by without school. Else, if its regular school (which starts next Monday) they go to school everyday, barring sick days and holidays of course. So back to -

Whenever I send the kids to school I get burdened with this feeling to get something done, like grocery or a pending return at the store or cooking good stuff or cleaning the house, laundry, dishwasher - you get the drift. Meeting up with a friend or hitting the beauty parlor makes me feel a tad guilty nevertheless I do it sometimes. Today is a different kind of school day. The last school day of summer.

"Mommy bye. I will be back soon. Don't miss me too much" Arnav lisped. Words I have heard so many times but every time they make me feel so special. I must make a note here that I have such tender feelings for them at that moment as they are leaving. I am guaranteed some kid-free hours and that realization starts the guilt trip. And I try to immerse myself in activities which will sort of justify my sitting-at-home-yet-sending-kids-to-school-full-time status.

Before summer they went to half-day school so I hardly got time to dwell on my free-time guilt. Summer was mostly spent at home so not many heart burns there. BUT when Monday comes they will go to regular 8:15 - 3:15 school. Yes, both boys. I have been postponing this inevitable, justifying my "status", but no more. I am on my own now in a mix of laid-off and resigned from my day job. Now what? Have taken up more than allocated/justified real estate in my boys' blog so will jump right back to conversations.

Manav was in the potty the other day

"Mommy come here quick, I have to show you something"

"Its OK Manav just let me know when you are done" I replied with gross potty images in my mind

"No Mommy you have to come now."

I went in resigning to my fate and also thinking something might be wrong

"What are these balls here right under my pee-pee?"

"Hmm...don't worry, just a part of your body" I wasn't sure what to say and I walked out of the bathroom.

"Mommy I think they are just holding my susu. Nothing else" Manav shouted back.

I smiled to myself.

Manav often comes to me asking his worldly wise questions which usually boils down to asking the meaning of a word

"What does Zac mean when he says - I am contaminated?"

and I go around asking the circumstances in which he said that and in this case it turns out that Zac fell in the mud and the meaning is thus derived. Once he came to me saying

"What is zero years old? "

"When a baby is not 1 year old yet" I said

"Oh so the baby is not there? " big incredulous eyes stare back at me

"No, just that he is 4 months or 6 months or something like that. Not a year yet" I clarified

"Oh, when he is 12 years he will be 1 year old" Manav concluded

"Yes, 12 months not 12 years" I corrected.

"Oh, I am just 4 years, when will I be 1 year old then?"

That is when I realised he has his months and years muddled up. On a deeper note I suspect that the kids are yet to get the notion of time. Whenever I say anything other than 5 minutes (5 more minutes then we go back from mall/play area/TV etc) they ask me "Is that long time or short time? " and react accordingly.

We became the proud owners of a Crown tail Betta fish when Sharoon left for India. The boys hung around it for most part of the first day and then their interest has been diminishing. They do clamor when I feed the fish. So I just yank them atop the kitchen counter to have a good look at the fish when it grabs the food dropped in its tank. On one such occasion Arnav spit in the tank. I immediately pulled him down and yelled at him and said something to the effect that I will never let him see the fish-feed.

"Why did you spit Arnav? The fish can die...do you know that?"

"Mommy I was spitting so that the fish had more water" He said with tear rimmed eyes and proceeded to validate the statement by spitting on the kitchen floor.

Sure enough there was a small puddle. I learnt what I already know - Kids can and sometimes do have ulterior motives for seemingly destructive actions.

Arnav is still working on his "R" sound. He does OK when there is a "r" in between a word but when it starts with a "R" he uses "W". So he says "wed", "wun" and "westing" for "red", "run" and "resting" and so on. Manav always tries to teach him the correct "R" sound and Arnav gets exasperated and says

"I am saying "W", "W" "W" NOT "W".

We have also seen him practicing his "W" (he means "R") in the crack of the dawn on his bed.

Recently they added "Raoul CaRoule" to their cars collection and it is too much for Arnav to pronounce. He goes asking around for his "Trouble Trouble" !!

Any further addition to the fleet will be gladly accepted !! The BIG McQueen is the boom box that my brother presented Manav for his fourth Birthday. Also note "Wed" the fire engine - 3rd from right.

Yesterday we went out for a walk after dinner. Manav suddenly morphed into this very good guy. He was taking his pet toy dog Charlie for walk which of course Arnav wanted. He gave it to Arnav. I said

"Arnav after 5 minutes give Charlie back to Manav"

"No, No Mommy, let him have it as long as he wants. He doesn't have to give it back"

"What? Are you serious Manav? What is the secret? Whats going on? " My jaws popped out

"Nothing Mommy, I decided to be good. Sometimes I am bad sometimes I am good."

"Why can't you be good always Manav ?"

A coy smile is all I got to this question. He continued to be this "good" boy for a long time. Caunteya joined us and we were praising him and making remarks that he must have finally grown up.

"Mommy I think I am like God now. Changing his mind"

"Why God? God changes his mind?"

"Yes, he is good sometimes but then he becomes bad so that people will pray to him" I interpreted it as when good things happen no one looks for God but when bad things befall us we pray to God. Now who can beat that logic?

Arnav unfailingly comes to our bedroom after we tuck him in his bed. He either says

"I am itchy. Can you put some Aveeno please?"

or

"Can I sleep with you a lil bit please?"

Both demands I comply with no matter how tired I am. And then walk him back to his room and make sure he understands that he needs to sleep now and so does Mommy. Now how long this will continue is something to be seen. Manav has long since stopped his visits to our bedroom. Only in the morning he comes in with such sentences

"It looks like morning, but its still dark. How can that be? " We have heavy curtains in our bedroom.

or

"It is very quiet in my room. Can I sleep with you please?" I of course comply albeit thinking how our room is different. That's my "technological" brain. Ignore (Manav asked me once "what is technology?"). 

Both were very reluctant to go back to school after such a long break. Caunteya explained that they need to go to school to learn cool stuff like Biology, Physics and Chemistry

"What is Biology?" Manav asked

"Plants and Animals" I jumped in, relieved at answering a question without having to google.

"There, Mommy knows Biology. She can teach us. We don't need to go to school" pat came the reply

"We don't need to go to school" Arnav joined in

And I was caught in my own web. Well, Manav had his last word

"OK, I will go to school to show my Luminators (his Skechers shoes which glow) and surprise my friends today. No more school"

"No more school" Arnav said

That's how my dining table looks most of the days. And yes those are THE Luminators.

So I wrote to justify my kid-free Friday. I also went for my Yoga. Not to mention the usual - folding laundry, prepping food. But something else needs to be done. Will embark on answering the question - "What next?" next week. Either wish me luck or find me a job.

Mamar Baadi

All good things come to an end. And bad things too. Best part is - the end is the beginning of something. So here's to a new beginning - yes I know, "new" is redundant, but have to sound optimistic.

Last week we had a week long no-schedule and no-rule living. My brother and sister-in-law were visiting us and I had the "throwback" of the times spent with my mama (uncle) and masis (aunts) in my grandma's house. In Bengali we have the term "mamar baadi" (uncle's house) which signifies carefree life without the chains of adult rules and regulations. I wanted my kids to enjoy the same. This is the closest they can come to "mamar baadi" because when we visit grandma they don't get to see mama. For the longest time Caunteya used to sing "Tai tai tai, mamar baadi jai" song to the boys when they'd wake up at night (a million times) when younger.

Manav and Arnav had a blast, the uninhibited happiness and laughter bearing testimony to this. They had the 24*7 attention of two loving adults for an entire week. That's a luxury. Though the adults were fazed at times, the whole thing worked. We slept, ate, swum, played and did seemingly weird stuff at odd hours.

Every morning the boys would wake up and ask the same question

"Are they gone? Is Bablu mama and Wendy maami still there?"

and you could actually see the softening of features on their face signifying relief when they would get a sleepy "they are there" from me.

Wendy maami was for cuddling and reading books and talking sense non-stop while Bablu mama was for irritating, pulling leg, lifting up and doing "aeroplane" motions and talking non-sense non-stop. She was the "best girl ever" as testified by Arnav and he was the "I love Bablu mama" as gushed over by Manav.

Bablu mama was Arnav's official "protector" as Manav was still manipulating Arnav with the Disney Pixar cars.  As a "protector" Bablu mama would make sure that Arnav got to play with his cars and not just have a glimpse of them when deemed ok by Manav. This was the reason that they would run into multiple brawls.

"Bablu mama you protect Wendy maami. I will protect Arnav. He is my brother" Manav said angrily in the midst of such a brawl.

"Well a protector protects, he doesn't take things away" my brother said

"I will protect his cars. Arnav, I will protect your cars while you sleep. How about that?"

"You don't need to protect the cars when he is sleeping. He can hold them fine" Bablu continued.

and the angry fight continued as well.....

They are completely wrapped up the in the Cars characters. I even saw Arnav putting imaginary contact lenses on the "eyes" of the cars from his lens box ( my discarded case) so that they see better. Manav is still building ill-sounding stories around the cars which he wants and preventing Arnav from playing with them. The collection has since expanded. Will need to take a picture soon.

I made sure that the kids saw off their uncle Dabe and aunt Wendy at the airport so that they don't ask the same question next morning. Arnav said

"Bablu mama cannot leave. He will stay here"

"He has to go. He has a house to take care of there in Wisconsin"

"Then Mommy can go to take care of house. He will stay with us" Arnav said. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry at this comment.

The nice week long "vacation" came to at end with my good friend moving back to India. This provoked some "discussions" in the car

"When will Sharoon aunty be back?" Manav asked

"She will not come back. She will live in India" I said

"Why will she live in India?" Manav insisted

"She has her family there, mommy papa everyone. She wants to be with all of them"

"Why is Mommy Papa there in India? Why can't everyone live in Texas?"

"We are all from India. We were born there and came here for work. So our Mommy-Papa live there"

"Why was I born here?" and the questioning continued and I see this discussion happening several times in coming years. Even I don't have the answers.

Once when I asked Manav if he would like to go and live in India, he said

"Will you and Papa come?"

"Yes"

"Ok. I will go wherever you and Papa go" as simple as that. It reminded of that dreamy day feeling I had had almost 11 years ago when I was getting married. I distinctly remember feeling elated at the prospect of living with Caunteya forever and following him wherever he goes.

In pictures.....

Family - Thinning hair, popping tummies and growing boys.

Arnav had had a fall and hurt his foot. As the usual remedy I offered to kiss the "boo-boo" away. He said

"No, it is not going to work. I need ice". So here he is with the self remedy ice-pack. 

The boys climbing in Gaylord Texan. Right after this shot Arnav fell down scraping his tummy on the rocks.

Brothers not very happy at being asked to pose as the real excitement lay in the fish swimming in the background.

Arnav told me today " I am a good boy. I always eat"

"Ok time to leave now", translates to "Let's jump in the water clutching our cars"

Yes, "time to leave", to carry on with the mundane but not to lose sight of the heady feeling that will come with "jumping in the water".

Thermomonitor

The past week has been particularly taxing. After the wonderful birthday party last Saturday and a nice lazy Sunday spent talking about old times at a friend's house, Monday opened its doors as usual. It was time for Arnav's three year checkup and as the doctor remarked

"This has been the easiest of all check-ups so far". A reminder that the kid is growing up. He jumped up on the exam table, took long breaths, showed his ears, answered the doctor and came bouncing towards me with

"All done Mommy. I didn't cry"

"No shots this time." The doctor said and we rejoiced some more.

As we were leaving for the doctor's, Caunteya came in. I had asked for help with Manav so that I could take Arnav for his check-up. Manav wanted to come along too. He wanted the lollipop that you get after a check-up. I told him I will get that , he can stay at home with Papa and have a good time. He denied.

"Hey Manav, how can you leave? I just came in. Please stay with me." Caunteya tried his father charm

"Papa, you can look at a picture of me. I need to go for Arnav's check-up" Manav walked away

At 12:40 AM (how can I be so certain? well when a kid walks in, I always check the time) Manav walked in our room

"Mommy, my throat is making funny sounds"

"Oh, come over" and I pulled him on the bed and was shocked to be hugging a hot bundle. He registered 103.6 F on the thermometer. So Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday went in a medicine and thermometer blur. Arnav refused to leave his brother's side. He refused to go to school though that is what we all would have preferred ( all -- me and Caunteya).

"Manav is sick. How can I go to school?" Arnav said shrugging his little shoulders, when we coaxed him to go to school, at least to distribute his Birthday cupcakes.

Instead he insisted on getting the "thermomonitor" and checking Manav's temperature every now and then. Insisted on pretending to be sick and "drink" his medicine (water). Insisted on pushing Manav's stroller around the house checking with him if he needed something. ( I got the stroller as Manav wanted to be carried and that was too much for my back). Its the misty eyed feeling when they are such "brothers".

But the older one is a conman. Manav when freed from the throes of fever with the medication would embark right into preaching his brother about all the problems with the "Mc Queen" cars. On and on he would go, painstakingly inventing issues with the cars(so that Manav would give them up) and Arnav would hang onto each word of his. Whenever we would try to intervene Manav would put that finger on his lips

"Shhh Arnav its our secret. Don't let them know"

and Arnav would shake his head in affirmation.

"Arnav why don't you get your cars?" we would ask

"Dada (Manav) would be angry" he would demur.

Manav has made rules -- car visitation rules

1. You need to ask if you want to see a car.

2. He will hold up that car and you can see it for sometime

3. You cannot touch the car or take it

 which are more stringent than the earlier ones

1. You can ask for a car and take it

2. Don't forget to return it when asked for.

The other strategies he has used (always comes up with new ones)

"Arnav I want the papers" referring to the paper casings that the cars come in when we buy them. They usually have the name of the car and pictures of other cars with a "Collect them all" , at the back.

"No, Manav I want the papers" Arnav in his usual style

"Ok, you can have them. I will take the cars" Manav actually looked crestfallen. He is a great actor.

"Arnav how old are you?"

"Three"

"How many cars do you have?"

"Three"

"See, matches" Manav cheers him on. There are at least 10+ total cars now.

"Manav you are four years old" Arnav says. I perk up, at least the little one is thinking.

"Yes, that's our secret Arnav" Manav says in a conspiratorial tone. Arnav, if he was really thinking on the lines I was, seemed to have forgotten it and smiled, content in the fact that he was being included in dada's top secret.

And the story continues. Bottom line is Manav has hoarded all the cars sans Doc Hudson, a PVC McQueen whose wheels don't turn ( this was on the Birthday cake), an eraser yellow cars 2 character ( I don't know the name) and (surprise) Francesco Bernoulli. Manav decided to part with Francesco as it "doesn't have a body" referring to the race car look.

The other day I took the boys with me to Old Navy. They were getting a little too comfortable, hence louder at the store so I asked Manav to help me choose a t-shirt. Here were his comments

"This one is good, but has too many jewels on it" pointing to the blings and chains

"This one is too little. Will not cover you up Mommy" pointing to a tankini

"This one looks good. Will cover you up. Lets try this one Mommy" pointing to a almost high-neck, sleeved t-shirt, the very sight of which made me feel uncomfortably warm. As it is I was warming up to the thought that Manav liked his mom sheathed from head to toe, maybe a burkha would be his favorite.

This morning I was eager to send the boys to school after being under house arrest the rest of the week. I was calling Arnav to come and brush but he ignored me. After a couple of times I yelled

"Arnav, you are coming here right now or will be in big trouble"

He comes in the bathroom, gives me a calm look and says

"Mommy, when someone is watching something you must wait. You cannot yell. When someone is doing something bad then you can yell"

Just then I realised Arnav was looking at the rainbow made by the sprinklers in the yard. His favorite pass time. I was humbled and hung my head in a silent 'Sorry'.

Today, before bed, after brushing Arnav and Caunteya got in a tiff. Arnav had just rinsed and cannot have water before 30 minutes. But Arnav wanted water. And when Arnav wants water ( he always does, he is a guzzler) no one can stop him. Caunteya tried coaxing, cajoling, logic nothing worked. He had his water. On the bed Arnav said

"I want my blanket Mommy"

Caunteya went to cover him.

"I didn't ask for water Papa. I just asked for a blanket"

He had his last word. Arnav our surprise baby, never ceases to surprise us albeit in his quiet charming demeanor. Being three has sort of set him free. Yes, the kid has grown up.

HPP BIDAY DR ARNAV (Happy Birthday Dear Arnav)

"Arnav look at me" I said

"What?" Two big eyes stared at me from the nook of my arm where he lay cradled.

"Happy Birthday"

"Oh is it Friday yet?" Big eyes got bigger with surprise.

"Yes baby"

We all broke into the Happy Birthday song. The family was piled up in our bed this morning. And I couldn't help but marvel at the simple bliss in an otherwise insanely complicated and busy life. it's the same feeling every time - did we really create these babies? The train of thought was broken by Arnav saying

"Thank you Mommy"

"Thank you Papa"

"Thank you Manav"

I started thinking again, he didn't say "Thanks Mommy, papa and Manav" as I would. It was a genuine unhurried acknowledgement of our wishes.

They have all the time in the world. And that jolted me to the realization that it's NOT a weekend. What are we doing in bed at 7:15 am? The bliss was gone and we all were hurtled into the mad world from the bed turned trampoline.

Time now to relate Arnav's birth story. We weren't aware he was amongst us till I was 3 months pregnant. Sometimes I look at those pictures of Manav, Caunteya and myself when we were totally unaware of Arnav's presence. I can never forget the moment when we found out that we were pregnant. I will not write about our first thoughts and feelings. When it kind of sunk in, I remember thinking "At least, let it be a girl". Even that was not to happen. We survived the bleak and tired winter with lots of guilt and heartaches. The toughest was to wean Manav of his sole source of sustenance. That baby hadn't had a chance to get to the bottle, never tasted formula in his life and one fine morning we just thrust these things to him. Maybe an entire month or more went by without him having little to no milk. We introduced Manav to daycare at the tender age of 1, me being scared of harming the other baby and too physically tired to care for both.

And then ""We are delighted announce the latest addition to our family. Manav's kid brother was born July 29th at 7:45 AM CST. He weighed in at 8 pounds and 4 ounces and 19 inches tall."

Since he was born Arnav has shown us how to live life to the fullest. Unlike Manav he had no hardship whatsoever to latch on and feed. He had no issues with sleep, feeds and poops. Or if he had we didn't notice. The reason was partly that we were so easy with him. We just "knew" what to do. We didn't reach for "What to expect - babies' first year" every 10 minutes.  We didn't maintain a log of feeds, poops and sleep. We did (or didn't do) stuff that every second time parent already knows. And Arnav was happy to just reciprocate. 

Arnav is a surprise, joy and delight for the family. He is always at his cuddly and nuzzly best. He loves to pout and express mock anger only to burst out laughing at the next moment. We love him to pieces. The story continues in pictures.

Arnav's first cries at Presbyterian Hospital Plano

Arnav's first birthday party at Preston Meadow Park

He started walking at 11 months and sprouted his first tooth at 4 months. He just cannot wait to grow up and bridge that 15 months gap between him and his brother. He is almost as tall as his brother and both wear the same size clothes.

Arnav's second birthday at Home, put together last minute by my father

Arnav in his 3 year old grandeur

Manav's card for Arnav, he didn't wait for me to help him spell

1st one is for Arnav - Arnav in red holding Mommy's hand and a ball, with the "rainbow rectangles". 2nd one is for Papa - Special double layered cake.

Now the quiz question - which one is Manav, which one is Arnav? Answer in next post.

After 3 and 4 years, no marks for guessing in this one.

Another interesting trivia, such a coincidence. Post birth recovery room at Presbyterian, Plano was the same for both boys - C475, exactly 15 months apart.

Tomorrow (rather today, it is 2:01 AM now, thanks to Blogspot.com which made me write this post 3 times, crashing consistently) is Arnav's birthday party. So pictures will continue.

Surprise! Its your Birthday!

"Hey it is Papa's birthday today, we need to wish him" I coached the kids, this morning.

Manav shook his head with teary eyes.

"What happened?" We asked him

"Papa made a deal and broke it"

"What happened?" I was clueless.

"Papa woke up before me. That is not good"

That was when I got it. Manav's deal is when he wakes up in the morning he will walk into our room and cuddle with Papa. Papa CANNOT wake up before that and leave his bed. They usually sleep late nowadays as there is no school in the morning most of the days. As a result they wake up late and Caunteya cannot idle in bed (though he would love to) during weekdays. Inevitable fights in the morning. As with the other things we have learnt "Even this shall pass away".

Things cleared and Papa went to work. I asked Manav for suggestion to surprise Papa on his birthday.

"We can write 'Surprise, its your Birthday' on the card"

"We can say 'Surprise' when he comes back from work" he tried again when he saw me shaking my head.

"No Manav, we need to surprise him, as in the verb, by doing something" yes he is now learning his verbs and nouns.

"Oh, we can buy him a nice winter jacket then" Manav was confident this time

"Manav, its summer. What will he do with a winter jacket in 104 degrees?" I was genuine.

"He will wear it in winter Mommy" simple answer, how could I have missed that? And they say kids "live in the moment". Mine is oh so future oriented.

Manav is still stealing the show with his conversations. The piece about Arnav has to wait I guess. The other day we were driving back from someplace and as usual we were telling him how he could have behaved better.

"I will tell my brain to behave. It keeps forgetting Papa" Manav explained

"Manav, what if my brain forgets to take you to the skating class?" Caunteya asked.

"Papa, don't copy me. You have adult brain. Adult brains don't forget. We are kids. Kids brains forget" Manav appeared angry

"Who said that? " Caunteya was a little baffled.

"Nobody. Just made it up" came the smug reply.

And on the dinner table the usual bickering and Caunteya with his

"Manav, eat. If you don't, I promise my hand will start working"

"Papa, don't. Don't ever promise bad stuff. That is not good" Manav was not joking.

Manav has always been fascinated with sports and music. Either genes or too much exposure to his father. He has taken to his ice skating class with a fair amount of success as with his swimming lessons. But with two success stories comes umpteen failure sagas. And handling failure is something he has yet to learn. So he tried the jumping rope he got from the dentists' and failed miserably. Same with the monkey bars in the park today. He officially denounced both these "sports" and promised to eradicate all monkey bars in all parks (or make sure they have some form of support bar to hold onto, when you fall - his idea in a moment of calm) and jumping ropes from all dentists' treasure trove.

On the breakfast table one morning he was counting the games he liked, on his fingers

"I like chess, swimming, skating, baseball........"

"I like chess, swimming, peanut butter sandwich, oranges......" Arnav continued. For our foodie, all roads lead to Rome. 

Manav has used this trait of Arnav's to cash in on the toy market. I mean Arnav's love for toys doesn't come anywhere near his do or die attitude towards food. Every once in a while they get to buy a McQueen car (the Disney Pixar cars character cars) as a special. They have accumulated quite a few by now. Oddly enough at any given moment you will find all the cars with Manav except one old, Doc Hudson, the blue borrowed car which, Arnav totes around.

"Hey Arnav where is your car? The new one we bought that day, Francesco Bernoulli?" Caunteya enquired at the table today when we were all enjoying our ice-cream shakes to beat the heat. He pronounced it with the "sss" sound for Francesco.

"Papa you made a mistake. He is Francesco Bernoulli" Manav corrected with the "ch" sound.

"Farncesco's wheels are stuck. So he is not a good car. " Arnav explained.

"No, his wheels are fine" Caunteya went on to demonstrate to Manav's utmost chagrin.

"Papa, please mind your own business. You should finish your ice cream shake instead of talking so much. Are you on the dining table to eat or talk?" Manav reprimanded.

Manav has efficiently brainwashed Arnav by pointing out conjured up handicap in each of the cars (except of course Doc Hudson). So McQueen "has just had milk" (as his red paint on front has been chipped due to repeated hitting around to reveal the white paint), DJ "has so many speakers and is a loud car", Chuki is a "traffic car" not a "race car" and so on and so forth. Caunteya tried to reverse the brainwashing but Arnav remained loyal to his brother. After all who spends more time with him? Arnav does get to "borrow" the cars when he wants but has to return them "when he is done" which is usually right away as dictated by big brother.

It is so entertaining to watch and hear these kids. The fine print is you have already gotten the dishwasher loaded, laundry folded, dinner done, bath taken care of, brush/floss/rinse trio dealt with, bleh, bleh, bleh......and more. Once this is done you can "listen to" and not just "hear" the kids. THEY will tell you to forget the fine print and just spend time with the kid, as they grow up fast and won't remember how clean the house was or how tasty the food was or how fluffy their bed was.....they will remember the moments spent together on the table, park, games etc....go ahead do that. But when you encounter that stench in the kitchen next morning and everyone in the house running around for clothes don't tell me I didn't write the fine print.

As Arnav says

"Why are YOU sorry Mommy? You didn't hurt me. The "outside" should be sorry. The "rocks" should be sorry. You are good Mommy"

when I kiss him goodnight and remark on the places he got hurt

"I am so sorry Arnav, you got hurt"

Water Bodies

My hair is naturally falling off else I would have had to rip it off my head. Such is the pace of life now. I had everything in control with all events marked in my calendar (no iPhone/iPad stuff, a real wall hanging paper calendar from Huawei, courtesy my friend's husband) or so I thought. Looks like I had Manav's and Arnav's swim classes all wrongly marked and must be Santa who gave me an intuition to check with the other student's mom the very day when the classes were scheduled. And Santa did make sure I had 2-3 hrs lead time notice so it actually went fine. Now for two weeks we have alternate day swim classes for the boys. And last Friday Caunteya happened to take the boys to the mall and ended up signing for the skating classes for Manav. So all 6 or 8 Saturdays are now booked there. I just made sure I wasn't the one ferrying the kids around. So summer just got busier.

Breather doesn't exist any more. But life is still entertaining all the same. Or so it seems when the kids are in bed and I am blogging. The other day Manav remarked
"Mommy I didn't know water had bodies"
"What?" was my distracted reply as I was driving
"Papa said something about water bodies"

Manav was explaining to Caunteya about a TV show.
"Papa there are two kinds of lions. One with hair and one without hair."
"You mean the male and female lions?" Caunteya said
"I don't know. But the one without hair takes care of the babies"
"Its called the mane, Manav" I added. Kids have to learn all the time right?

I was in the garage cleaning when I heard tidbits of conversation from the laundry room
"It looks like an american badger " Arnav said
"No its an iguana" Manav replied
"Or a snake"
Now my curiosity was sufficiently aroused to check what they were checking out. Once inside I yelled like no body's business. It was a baby lizard, you know the transparent ones we had in India where you could see all the organs inside. (Sorry for the description Sheetal)
"Mommy what is happening? We have ants, spiders, baby lizards, rolly pollies....everything in this house. You are keeping the garage door open and they are coming in. Please be careful Mommy" Arnav reprimanded while gesticulating.

Last Saturday morning Caunteya came back from his tennis match to a very dejected me. The boys as usual have been driving me crazy and I was madder, it being a weekend .
"Looks like you have been difficult, boys. Why is Mommy so angry?"
"No we were good boys" Manav said
"Then why does she look so tired?"
"Maybe she didn't sleep well or something. We were good boys" Manav confirmed.

The other night Arnav spilled water in his bedroom. Caunteya just stopped short of spanking him. He started crying and looked for me and finding me around pouted his famous pout.
"I am angry at Papa. He is a bad adult"
"Who spilled the water? You or me? Who should be angry? You or me?" Caunteya tried logic
"You are in a bad mood" Arnav pouted even more
"Manav and I will be here in this bedroom. Mommy can come in. No Papa. Papa will go to the old house." Arnav went on.
We all tried talking truce but in vain. Arnav was adamant that Papa leave us alone in the new house.

Last week Caunteya was caught up in workshops so we didn't see much of him. This was taking its toll on Manav. The second day Caunteya had a pre-screening of Harry Potter and was not home till the boys slept. Manav explained to Arnav
"Papa is watching a movie in office. He will be late"
"Nooo. Papa works in office. He doesn't watch movies. Hah" Arnav replied vehemently
Something snapped and Manav started crying, little sobs at first then full blown wailing.
"Mommy do you know how much I miss Papa?" he wailed
"Oh baby, I know. We all miss Papa. But he needs to work to get money so we can have a good time."
"I don't want to have a good time. I want Papa" more tears
"Ok, so lets do this. Papa can stay at home and I can go to work and get money so that we can continue having a good time" I wanted to distract him. His cries were beginning to break my heart
"Ok." Then he paused. " But then I will miss YOU Mommy" more fresh tears
"I want both Mommy and Papa" he stated his requirement in crisp words.
Somehow we made it through that night.

Manav and Arnav were playing in another apartment's play area. Some boys were there on the slide playing with their bay blades. My boys started watching them and one of the boys came up to where Manav was climbing the structure and asked him to back off.
"I am not coming down THAT slide. I am using the other slide" Manav tried bravely
"Hey, go away. Or I will slap you" said the boy.
Manav started crying and as much as I hated it I had to intervene. I visualized the millions of bullying moments that will come in my boys' life and I will not be there to help them out. It just made me so sad. But then one part of me wanted them to deal with it and be prepared instead of being shielded. After a pep talk with the boys (who by then had already sobered down, they didnt expect Manav to cry) I forced Manav and Arnav to continue playing. They timidly played a bit but wanted to go home. On our way back
"Manav, you need to be brave. When someone is not being nice to you or troubling you, you have to tell them so."
"But they are such big boys. How will I do it? They will slap me" Manav had genuine concerns
"Manav you have to pretend to be brave even if you feel scared. You have your brother, so together you are a big team. And no one can slap you." I tried
"But he is so small. How will he help me?" Manav couldn't be convinced.
I tried some other explanations but didn't quite work.
"They are bad boys Mommy. I don't want to play here ever. They live here but still they are not being nice" Manav made up his mind
That night while tucking him in bed I said
"Manav remember the time you scared Neil in the Preston Meadow playground. Now you know how bad he felt. You shouldn't do something that you don't like other people doing to you" I tried preaching
"But Mommy, then I was a lion. I was just pretending." Manav said
"Manav, for Neil you were scary. He didn't have a way to know whether you were pretending or being real. One can argue that the boys here were pretending to be mean. They were not really mean"
"No, they are bad, mean boys Mommy."
I let it go at that, hoping that he would have imbibed some of life's lessons.

Today I left the garage door open the entire time I was away to fetch the boys and visiting friends. Manav gave his two cents
"Mommy how can you do that? What if someone comes in uninvited and messes with our things here? What will we do?"
"I am sorry Manav. I will be more careful next time."
"Its ok Mommy"

Now some pictures. On more than one occasion we have caught the boys sleeping in the same pose. That is some uncanny resemblance. Check out the two pictures below.

Arnav with his favorite boiled bhindi and salad lunch.

This morning Manav was trying to write "It is not a good world" but got as far as "It is not a go" as the "page ended.".
"Why are you writing this?" I was a bit alarmed
"Mommy I want to give this to Papa. I don't want him to wake up before me." That explained. By the time Manav walked into our room we were out in the kitchen having tea.